Follow me here…

http://babymamasblog.wordpress.com/

 

Advertisements

Stop thinking and stop analysing.

English: graphic convention of manga, sweating...

English: graphic convention of manga, sweating, used to represent feeling anxiety, confusion, embarrassed, and so on. 日本語: マンガの表現技法。汗。不安、困惑、戸惑いなどといった感情の表現。 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Stop thinking and stop analysing.

My husband will tell you, I over analyse everything – and think something to death.  I view it from this angle, and that angle, and then from another angle.  He hates it and he is right.  I need to learn to just accept things and not over think or over analyse.  It is dangerous to do this.

One of the best quotes I have ever read was:

“Do not over think things – you’ll create a problem where none existed…”

I have such a strong tendency to do this.

Yesterday, I had a wonderful email yesterday that told me God is on my side, that He will fight the battle and that I need to trust Him.  Today I get an email telling me I have to confront my fears or keep running, and I start to panic thinking God is telling me to get divorced.  God would not do this.  He is totally against divorce.  I know this because His Word has told me so.  Over and over and over again.  And so, in the face of my anxiety, I will trust Him.  I know that He gave my husband to me and I know that my anxiety is more over the fact that my mother left and I have been conditioned my whole life to be just like her.  And I know that I love this man – more than anything.  I feel so good being with him.  And I know that he is God’s gift to me.  I know why God has not healed my from this anxiety – it keeps me praying.

And then I think of my husband reading this blog and I feel so ashamed and so embarrassed, because the last thing on earth that I want to do is to hurt him – I love him and want to protect him at all costs.

I read a blog yesterday where the blogger also battles with anxiety and she says that we need to be careful not to define ourselves by our anxiety.  And that is exactly what I am doing.  I am allowing myself to be defined by these anxious feelings – instead of moving past that and accepting them as fleeting moments and feelings that come and go.

“Balance begins by knowing how you feel but not being so swayed that you are ruled by every passing incident of anger, worry or resentment.” –Deepak Chopra

Since childhood, I’ve struggled with frequent bouts of anxiety and panic.  Hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if my predisposition to worry began in utero.  (As a foetus, I probably worried incessantly about whether or not I was developing properly.)  My anxiety has played such a dominant role in my life that, at times, it has become all-consuming.

But I work at it—each and every day.  Having spent the better part of my life navigating the rocky waters of my anxiety, I’ve learned a thing or two.  And although I know that there are some parts of my emotional makeup that I may not be able to change, I can—and do—view it in a more productive light.

Fact: I suffer from anxiety and panic attacks.

Fact: I am not my anxiety and panic attacks.

Though I spent many years believing my anxious thoughts made up the whole of me, I have come to realize the faulty logic behind that notion: Emotions, by nature, move with fluidity—dancing in and out of the mind, carefully orchestrated by the tide that is an ever-evolving state of consciousness.  So how can any single emotion define a person?

It cannot.

I now know and expect that throughout my life, I will experience emotional ebbs and flows; some emotions will feel good, some will feel crappy and some will just flat-out trounce me.  But they are fleeting; they are not here to stay.  Emotions stop in for a visit; hang around for a bit then move on their merry way, making room for the new ones to take their place.  Just because I feel anxious, scared, or depressed in any given moment doesn’t mean I’ll feel that way forever.  It doesn’t make me who I am.

While I do still grapple with my emotional health, I know that I am making strides towards finding a greater inner peace.  I used to define myself by my anxiety.  Not anymore.  Today I see my anxious ways as part of what makes me who I am today, but not who I am as a whole.  There are many characteristics that, today, I use to define myself—and anxious is not one of them: I am kind; I am loving; I am extroverted; I am sentimental; I am blond-haired and brown-eyed; I am (sometimes) funny; I am cautious.

I am not anxious.  I am simply someone who experiences anxious thoughts on occasion.

I am many things, but I am not my emotions.

http://im-still-learning.com/2013/07/15/i-am-not-my-emotions/

And that is where I need to be.  And in order to do that, I cannot analyse every fleeting emotion and thought and cling to it for dear life in case it may mean something dark and sinister that I am hoping to not to confront.

What I need to do is focus on enjoying my life.

And then, one of the most profound blogs I have read, is this:

The solution to a problem is not in its solving

I have been contemplating this notion for quite some time and just a moment ago, it occurred to me, that the way to transcend a problem is not actually done but the process of solving it.

I have found that the more interested I become in the specifics of a problem and the more energy and effort I put into solving it, the longer it takes to overcome.  Then, when I realize that the problem is no longer present, when it is no longer an issue, I discover that it came about not by the process of trying to solve it but by getting distracted out of the obsession of dealing with it and trying to find its solution.

This of course ties in directly with the concept that what you give energy to is what you give life to.  If you focus on a problem then you will have a problem to solve for as long as you remain focused in that direction, because that is the frequency you are operating on.

This law shall we say, is a completely practical and functional formula that works without fail, all the time and under all circumstances and conditions.  It works not by denial of a problem but from the complete removal of all attention to it.

One great example of understanding this concept was displayed in the wise words of Mother Theresa who once proclaimed something along the lines of;

“If I am asked to join an anti-war protest then I will not come but invite me to a rally for peace and I’ll be there”

http://takecareofthemostimportant.com/2013/07/10/from-problem-to-no-problem/

So, now, I need to give life to my thoughts on my marriage, on me, on my husband.  Easy decision to make – not so easy to implement.  But I have to.

I am also not going to continue with this blog.  I feel too much guilt keeping things from my husband that I know would hurt and devastate him – I need to get a handle on my thoughts, focus on what is good, and share and be open with my husband on what I can without hurting him or my marriage.  I have another blog that I will share things on, and I will focus on the good – ignore and rest.  And not allow myself to be defined by my anxiety – which this blog is encouraging me to do.

Emotion 1

Wonder (emotion)

Wonder (emotion) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Further to my post regarding doing the exercises in Angela de Souza’s book, Emotional Gravity, here is my first:

Get perspective and take control

  1. Emotions:  Write down the emotions that you struggle with – FEAR
  2. Response:  Write down your response to the emotion.  It could be an action, reaction or paralysis.  Fear leads to panic – I become paralysed or I want to run away.  Or I almost want to start hyperventilating – I have to remind myself to breath and to keep calm.  My mind starts to race and I lose control of the thoughts that come into my mind.
  3. Action:  Write down the action that results.  It may be a facial expression, a verbal response or a physical action.  Fear – paralysis

Emotional control

Write down the changes you intend to make for each emotion you listed using the following keys:

  1. Emotions are based on what you think and not reality.  Write down what you think at times regarding that emotion and write down the truth.
  2. Write a plan to bring balance to that emotion bearing in mind the keys – distraction, focused thought, will power, prayer, and express yourself.

Emotion 1:        Fear

Thought:           I fear that this is not my life that my husband is not for me, that my daughter is not for me – and that I am going to lose it all or lose myself.

Truth:                I am exactly where God wants me to be.  My prayer throughout my tumultuous childhood is that God would not allow me to have a marriage like my parents, and He has answered that prayer. 

Luke 11:11-13

New International Version (NIV)

11 “Which of you fathers, if your son asks for[a] a fish, will give him a snake instead?  12 Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion?  13 If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!”

Plan:                Distraction: To rather fill myself with God’s truth – I am exactly where I need to be.  Distract myself by quoting scripture, and to breathe slowly.

Focused thought:  To advise myself as if I was giving advice to a friend, “If you love             him, stay with him.  There is no option to leave, and this is where God wants you to be.  So, listen to the Word of God, listen to your heart and enjoy your marriage.  You are not your mother.  You are you.  And God created you to live this amazing life with your husband because of who God is.”

So when I am feeling fear, I need to recite the word of God to remind me that this is where I am meant to be in life.

2 Timothy 1:7

King James Version (KJV)

For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

So, God did not intend for me to live with this fear.

Also, to remind myself how good things were and how I never had doubt before I became a mom, which says that all this anxiety and fear is more a situational thing – to remind myself of all the blessing and goodness of the past nine years of marriage and to celebrate making it through the last four years.

Will power:  Listen to the radio, focus on breathing, keeping calm, purposely think the opposite of what is causing the fear, quote scripture, doubt my fear (thank you Joyce Meyer)

Prayer:  To always pray about my feelings and to realise that God is bigger than my fears, my thoughts and my anxieties and through His grace, so am I.

Express yourself:  Which is why I blog…

God still speaks

Cover of "The Battle Is Not Yours"

Cover of The Battle Is Not Yours

God still speaks

The last couple of days, all those negative thoughts and feelings that I have been trying so hard to change, have been lambasting my mind and emotions, like a tsunami hitting the coastline.  And I keep wondering why.  Why is a very dangerous question sometimes, because it makes you look for answers that just aren’t there.  People across the globe suffer from anxiety – in fact, according to my post yesterday (courtesy of Discovery Health), one in 75 people suffer from a panic disorder.  That is extremely high.  I mean think about it – in my office of 150 people, that means there is at least one other person here, in this building, who battles with this as I do.  That is so comforting to me – to know I am not alone.  And in a high school (when most panic and anxiety disorders start) of about 1 000 scholars, at least 14 pupils will battle with this issue and take it with them into adulthood.

Why?

Well, very simply, I think that our society is moving just too fast.  There is too much knowledge, too much media attention, too many ways to do things – we have forgotten and our young kids have not even learnt how to just be.

Anyway, I digress, because God still speaks.

So this morning I am feeling so frustrated because surely I should be past all this, I have worked so hard and still this negativity is hounding me and I am thinking of going of Paxil, but after how I have been feeling the last couple of days, clearly this isn’t a good idea…

…then I get this reading…

When You Feel Down (1)

‘…We will stand in Your presence…cry out to You…and You will hear us and save us.’  2 Chronicles 20:9 NIV

A parishioner asked his pastor, ‘Do you ever feel down?’  ‘Sure,’ he responded.  ‘What do you do about it?’ the parishioner said.  ‘I get up again.  Being down isn’t my problem – staying down is.  I’m either up, or I’m getting up.  I’ve learned not to park in between.’  Although feeling down is universal, sociologists warn us to guard against its two most common causes: fear and fatigue.  Let’s look at them:Fear: When Edomite armies marched against Israel’s king, fear gripped him and his nation.  Feeling powerless, they feared losing their God-given land and possessions.  If the stress of the last few years has left you feeling fearful, do what Judah’s king did.  He turned to God and prayed: ‘Whenever we are faced with any calamity…we can…stand in Your presence…We can cry out to You…and You will hear us and rescue us.’  (2 Chronicles 20:9 NLT) Don’t let fear cause you to abandon your hope and your vision.  Instead, stand in God’s presence, cry out to Him and watch Him rescue you.  Throughout the Old Testament, God reminded His people of His track record of goodness.  He wanted them to remember it and take courage.  But sometimes fear would cloud their memory and they’d begin to doubt.  Sound familiar?  So He told them, ‘Do not be…discouraged…the battle is not yours, but [Mine].’  (2 Chronicles 20:15 NIV) In other words, ‘You don’t have to defeat the foe, that’s My job.  I’m in charge; trust Me to work it out.’  So remember Who’s in control of your circumstances today.  Stand in His presence, believe His promise!

http://www.thewordfortoday.com.au/

I mean, wow.  When the stress of the last few years has left you feeling fearful… Um, yeah…  Don’t let fear cause you to abandon your hope and your vision.  Okay, Lord, I hear you.  But sometimes fear would cloud their memory and they’d begin to doubt…  Yeah, that sounds about right – especially over the last few days.  The battle is not yours, but [Mine].’  (2 Chronicles 20:15 NIV)  Okay, Lord, this is in your hands.

2 Chronicles 20:15

New International Version (NIV)

15 He said: “Listen, King Jehoshaphat and all who live in Judah and Jerusalem!  This is what the Lord says to you: ‘Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army.  For the battle is not yours, but God’s.

And now I am feeling much better – we can’t forget where our grace and strength comes from.  And my only goal in this world is to be a good wife to my husband and a good mother to my daughter – and I pray for the grace and the strength to do just that.

GAD

Panic-attack

Panic-attack (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Courtesy of Discovery Health:

16 July 2013 at 07:17

Anxiety disorders are a common yet misunderstood mental health issue. Here’s how to identify the signs and how to get help.

By Joanne Lillie

“I have been anxious my whole life, but my anxiety really got out of control in the last three or four years. I had to resign from my job as a teacher; at one stage I could not pick up the phone, drive, or face people. Going out was out of the question. My anxiety levels were so high I would just shiver with fear,” says Elaine (36) from Johannesburg. Elaine has generalised anxiety disorder in addition to a particularly challenging type of major treatment-resistant depression. “I had very little motivation, drive or self-esteem, my anxiety had a devastating effect on my quality of life.”

Depression runs in her family, and stress is her main anxiety trigger. “I am someone who works well under pressure, and it has taken me many years to work out where the fine line between productive pressure and an anxiety trigger is,” she says.

Elaine now sees a limited number of students at home for extra lessons. “I am not completely myself yet, I am not functioning at my best, but medication is keeping me stable and I am gaining control of my anxiety and depression.”

Like Elaine, people who suffer from generalised anxiety disorder (GAD) experience an exaggerated sort of tension and extreme worry without an obvious cause. People with GAD often seem unable to relax or fall asleep and may also experience lightheadedness, shortness of breath, nausea, trembling, muscle tension, headaches, irritability, or sweating.

Everyone feels anxiety at some stage as a normal reaction to threatening, dangerous, uncertain, or important situations. Some anxiety can even enhance your function, motivation, and productivity; such as those people, like Elaine, who work well under pressure. But, when you have severe anxiety, which is excessive, chronic, and interferes with your ability to function during a normal day’s activities, your may have generalised anxiety disorder. (Generalised anxiety is different from phobia because it is not triggered by a specific object or situation.)

Symptoms of GAD

  • Excessive anxiety and worry for a large portion of the day
  • Difficulty controlling worry
  • Restlessness or feeling on edge
  • Being easily fatigued
  • Difficulty concentrating or mind going blank
  • Irritability
  • Muscle tension
  • Sleep disturbance (difficulty falling or staying asleep, or restless unsatisfying sleep)

Panic disorder

Another type of anxiety disorder, and probably the most common kind, is panic disorder. Brief episodes of intense fear which are accompanied by physical symptoms such as heart palpitations, dizziness, nausea, tingling, feeling out of breath and chest pains characterise panic disorder. These ‘panic attacks’ are believed to occur when the brain’s normal mechanism for reacting to a threat – the so-called fight or flight response – becomes faulty. Most people with panic disorder also feel anxious about the possibility of having another attacks and avoid situations in which they believe these attacks could happen, this can start to impact their lives quite dramatically.

Panic disorder affects one out of every 75 people and usually starts during the teen years or in early adulthood.

Panic attacks

Initial panic attacks may happen in ordinary situations or when you’re under a lot of pressure, or feeling stressed from an overload of work, for example, or from the loss of a family member or close friend. The attacks may also follow surgery, a serious accident, illness or childbirth. Too much caffeine or the use of cocaine or other stimulant drugs can also trigger panic attacks. Nevertheless, panic attacks usually take a person by complete surprise. This unpredictability is one of the reasons they are so confusing and devastating; many people seek help at an emergency unit.

Panic attack symptoms

A panic attack is a sudden and strong feeling of overwhelming fear and apprehension…

During a panic attack, some or all of the following symptoms occur:

  • A sense of being overwhelmed by fright and terror, with accompanying physical distress for between four and six minutes
  • Racing or pounding heartbeat
  • Chest pains
  • Dizziness
  • Light-headedness
  • Nausea
  • Difficulty breathing
  • Tingling or numbness in the hands
  • Flushes or chills
  • Sense of unreality
  • Fear of losing control, going ‘crazy’, or doing something embarrassing
  • Fear of dying

Strategies for coping with panic

Remember that although your feelings and symptoms may be very frightening, they are not dangerous or harmful. What you are experiencing is only an exaggeration of your body’s normal reaction to stress.

Do not fight your feelings or try to wish them away. The more you are willing to face them, the less intense they will become. Do not add to your panic by thinking about what might happen. If you find yourself asking “What if?” tell yourself “So what!”

Remain focused on the present. Notice what is really happening to you as opposed to what you think might happen. Label your fear level from zero to ten and watch it fluctuate. Notice that it does not stay at a very high level for more than a few seconds

When you find yourself thinking about the fear, change your ‘what if’ thinking. Focus on and carry out a simple and manageable task such as counting backwards from 100 in three’s or snapping a rubber band on your wrist.

Notice that when you stop adding frightening thoughts to your fear, it begins to fade. When the fear comes, expect and accept it. Wait and give it time to pass without running away from it.

Panic and anxiety self-test

If you think you may have a panic or anxiety disorder take this self-rating questionnaire and discuss the findings with your mental health expert.

Anxiety self-rating scale

This scale is designed for your personal use; there are no right or wrong answers. Usually your first response is the best.

For each item decide if it NEVER applies to you (mark 0); SOMETIMES applies to you (mark 1); HALF THE TIME applies to you (mark 2); FREQUENTLY applies to you (mark 3); or ALWAYS applies to you (mark 4).

When you are finished add up your totals in all 5 columns to get your TOTAL SCORE. Make sure you base your answers on how you actually behave in your daily life, not on how you would like to be.

1. I feel tense, nervous, restless, or agitated 0 1 2 3 4

2. I feel afraid for no apparent reason 0 1 2 3 4

3. I worry about bad things that might happen to me or those I care about 0 1 2 3 4

4. I have difficulty falling asleep, staying asleep or waking up early 0 1 2 3 4

5. I have difficulty eating too much, too little or digesting my food 0 1 2 3 4

6. I wish I knew a way to make myself more relaxed 0 1 2 3 4

7. I have difficulty with my concentration, memory or thinking 0 1 2 3 4

8. I would say I am anxious much of the time 0 1 2 3 4

9. From time to time I have experienced a racing heartbeat, cold hands or feet, dry mouth, sweating, tight muscles, difficulty breathing, numbness, frequent urination, or hot/cold flashes 0 1 2 3 4

10. I wish I could be as relaxed with myself as others seem to be 0 1 2 3 4

SCORING: Total the number of points in each of the columns. Add all columns together to get your TOTAL SCORE

0 to 8 points = MINIMAL ANXIETY

8 to 16 points = MILD ANXIETY

17 to 24 points = MODERATE ANXIETY

25 to 32 points = HIGH ANXIETY (Warning Level)

33 to 40 points = EXTREME ANXIETY (Warning Level)

For more information, support, telephone counseling, or referral to a doctor, psychiatrist or clinic in your area, please contact the South African Depression and Anxiety Group on 0800 21 22 23 or 0800 70 80 90 seven days a week, from 8am to 8pm.