My backpack…

English: Lifting backpack

English: Lifting backpack (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The Backpack

My backpack is heavy.  It is filled with all these negative emotions of stress, anxiety, sadness, and depression and panic attacks.  It is comfortable – it is more comfortable than carrying suitcase around.  If you can place it on your back just right, you can carry a sizeable load and almost forget that it is there.  You can walk through life carrying this heavy burden from place to place, time to time, friend to friend and only when you are feeling tired and lonely, do you really become aware of the backpack.

I think I’m fortunate in the way that I have taken the backpack off, and I am aware I have taken it off – it’s no longer this heavy load I am carrying, and that is a far way from where I was this time last year.  But it’s still there – resting next to my legs, making me even more aware of its presence.  It’s this residual anxiety that I am now dealing with.  I want the backpack gone.  I want it burnt and destroyed.  I want it so far removed from me that even if I am tempted to pick it up again, I cannot – because it is no longer in my frame of reference, no longer in my world, no longer a part of who I am.  It is only in destroying the backpack and removing it from my world, that I can then begin to remove all residual anxiety, panic and stress.

In fact, I want to destroy this backpack over Europe, while holidaying with my hubby and our little daughter and enjoying a white Christmas and skiing on some beautiful snowy slopes.  And then just leave all the anxiety and panic and stress there, when we come back to South Africa so that hubby and I can continue our life without the backpack.

That is what I am praying for – still looking at the poster on the right.

 2 Timothy 1:7

King James Version (KJV) For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

Matthew 11:28-30

New International Version (NIV) 28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”


Exquisite-backpack (Photo credit: Wikipedia)


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About anxiousmotherhood

I have found becoming a mother has filled me with such anxiety on a deep and very insecure level. I hope this blog will help me gain my sense of calm, security and peace...

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