Stop thinking and stop analysing.

English: graphic convention of manga, sweating...

English: graphic convention of manga, sweating, used to represent feeling anxiety, confusion, embarrassed, and so on. 日本語: マンガの表現技法。汗。不安、困惑、戸惑いなどといった感情の表現。 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Stop thinking and stop analysing.

My husband will tell you, I over analyse everything – and think something to death.  I view it from this angle, and that angle, and then from another angle.  He hates it and he is right.  I need to learn to just accept things and not over think or over analyse.  It is dangerous to do this.

One of the best quotes I have ever read was:

“Do not over think things – you’ll create a problem where none existed…”

I have such a strong tendency to do this.

Yesterday, I had a wonderful email yesterday that told me God is on my side, that He will fight the battle and that I need to trust Him.  Today I get an email telling me I have to confront my fears or keep running, and I start to panic thinking God is telling me to get divorced.  God would not do this.  He is totally against divorce.  I know this because His Word has told me so.  Over and over and over again.  And so, in the face of my anxiety, I will trust Him.  I know that He gave my husband to me and I know that my anxiety is more over the fact that my mother left and I have been conditioned my whole life to be just like her.  And I know that I love this man – more than anything.  I feel so good being with him.  And I know that he is God’s gift to me.  I know why God has not healed my from this anxiety – it keeps me praying.

And then I think of my husband reading this blog and I feel so ashamed and so embarrassed, because the last thing on earth that I want to do is to hurt him – I love him and want to protect him at all costs.

I read a blog yesterday where the blogger also battles with anxiety and she says that we need to be careful not to define ourselves by our anxiety.  And that is exactly what I am doing.  I am allowing myself to be defined by these anxious feelings – instead of moving past that and accepting them as fleeting moments and feelings that come and go.

“Balance begins by knowing how you feel but not being so swayed that you are ruled by every passing incident of anger, worry or resentment.” –Deepak Chopra

Since childhood, I’ve struggled with frequent bouts of anxiety and panic.  Hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if my predisposition to worry began in utero.  (As a foetus, I probably worried incessantly about whether or not I was developing properly.)  My anxiety has played such a dominant role in my life that, at times, it has become all-consuming.

But I work at it—each and every day.  Having spent the better part of my life navigating the rocky waters of my anxiety, I’ve learned a thing or two.  And although I know that there are some parts of my emotional makeup that I may not be able to change, I can—and do—view it in a more productive light.

Fact: I suffer from anxiety and panic attacks.

Fact: I am not my anxiety and panic attacks.

Though I spent many years believing my anxious thoughts made up the whole of me, I have come to realize the faulty logic behind that notion: Emotions, by nature, move with fluidity—dancing in and out of the mind, carefully orchestrated by the tide that is an ever-evolving state of consciousness.  So how can any single emotion define a person?

It cannot.

I now know and expect that throughout my life, I will experience emotional ebbs and flows; some emotions will feel good, some will feel crappy and some will just flat-out trounce me.  But they are fleeting; they are not here to stay.  Emotions stop in for a visit; hang around for a bit then move on their merry way, making room for the new ones to take their place.  Just because I feel anxious, scared, or depressed in any given moment doesn’t mean I’ll feel that way forever.  It doesn’t make me who I am.

While I do still grapple with my emotional health, I know that I am making strides towards finding a greater inner peace.  I used to define myself by my anxiety.  Not anymore.  Today I see my anxious ways as part of what makes me who I am today, but not who I am as a whole.  There are many characteristics that, today, I use to define myself—and anxious is not one of them: I am kind; I am loving; I am extroverted; I am sentimental; I am blond-haired and brown-eyed; I am (sometimes) funny; I am cautious.

I am not anxious.  I am simply someone who experiences anxious thoughts on occasion.

I am many things, but I am not my emotions.

http://im-still-learning.com/2013/07/15/i-am-not-my-emotions/

And that is where I need to be.  And in order to do that, I cannot analyse every fleeting emotion and thought and cling to it for dear life in case it may mean something dark and sinister that I am hoping to not to confront.

What I need to do is focus on enjoying my life.

And then, one of the most profound blogs I have read, is this:

The solution to a problem is not in its solving

I have been contemplating this notion for quite some time and just a moment ago, it occurred to me, that the way to transcend a problem is not actually done but the process of solving it.

I have found that the more interested I become in the specifics of a problem and the more energy and effort I put into solving it, the longer it takes to overcome.  Then, when I realize that the problem is no longer present, when it is no longer an issue, I discover that it came about not by the process of trying to solve it but by getting distracted out of the obsession of dealing with it and trying to find its solution.

This of course ties in directly with the concept that what you give energy to is what you give life to.  If you focus on a problem then you will have a problem to solve for as long as you remain focused in that direction, because that is the frequency you are operating on.

This law shall we say, is a completely practical and functional formula that works without fail, all the time and under all circumstances and conditions.  It works not by denial of a problem but from the complete removal of all attention to it.

One great example of understanding this concept was displayed in the wise words of Mother Theresa who once proclaimed something along the lines of;

“If I am asked to join an anti-war protest then I will not come but invite me to a rally for peace and I’ll be there”

http://takecareofthemostimportant.com/2013/07/10/from-problem-to-no-problem/

So, now, I need to give life to my thoughts on my marriage, on me, on my husband.  Easy decision to make – not so easy to implement.  But I have to.

I am also not going to continue with this blog.  I feel too much guilt keeping things from my husband that I know would hurt and devastate him – I need to get a handle on my thoughts, focus on what is good, and share and be open with my husband on what I can without hurting him or my marriage.  I have another blog that I will share things on, and I will focus on the good – ignore and rest.  And not allow myself to be defined by my anxiety – which this blog is encouraging me to do.

Advertisements

Tags: , , , , , , ,

About anxiousmotherhood

I have found becoming a mother has filled me with such anxiety on a deep and very insecure level. I hope this blog will help me gain my sense of calm, security and peace...

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s