I am currently reading a book called Emotional Gravity by Angela de Souza. It is an excellent book, and although I have only just started the book, I can sense that I am already benefiting from the book. In it, she speaks about (well, what I have read thus far) how to train your mind, your emotions and your thoughts to be positive and not to focus on the negative. She speaks about how you need to look at the reasons for why you feel the way you do – forgive who you need to forgive and move on. And in moving on, you will sometimes have the old negative feelings and thoughts creeping through, you need to distract yourself and continually train your mind on what is positive and good.
She uses the example of a woman who grew up in a household where her father abused her mother, and totally belittled her. Her father would have numerous “girlfriends” and as a result, this woman grew up very insecure concerning her relationships with men. And even though she now has a husband who loves and adores her and is faithful to her, her insecurities rise up and mess in her marriage. She is suspicious of her husband, and constantly fights with him about his “flirting” with other women. She needs to realise where her insecurity comes from, and start training her mind to see her husband as he really is – someone who loves her and is faithful to her. It is this training of the mind that is so difficult, because all the negative and old insecurities can come creeping though at any moment. It is almost like being an alcoholic, in that you always have to be constantly aware of what can creep through to your conscious mind and you need to squash it out immediately. If you’re not attending to the roses in your garden, weeds will creep through without you even seeing them. You have to be vigilant.
I have been teased and ridiculed for being skinny my whole life and my parents would take me to a psychologist for being anorexic, and then moan at me the very next day for eating some cake because I’d get fat. My issues now with weight loss and being scared to lose weight stems directly from my childhood. However, I need to realise where my insecurity comes from, and then forgive my parents and all those who teased me and then comes the difficult part – train my thoughts, emotions and feelings to react positively. So, when someone compliments me and tells me I have lost weight, instead of reacting with fear and anxiety, I react positively and graciously and simply say, “Thank you.” That is what I need to train my mind, heart and thoughts to do. If I’m going to constantly think I’m going to have a meltdown when someone tells me I’ve lost weight, well then, that is exactly what I can expect to happen. However, if I train my mind and my emotions to be positive – even roll playing here could help – and to react graciously, then when someone tells me I have lost weight, I can actually take that as a compliment. Make sense?
Well, and now we get to my epiphany…
I was wondering where all my anxiety and fear came from, especially concerning my marriage. Well, the home environment that I grew up in was stressful and full of anxiety and if I had $ 1 for every time my parents threatened divorce or I heard that they’re only staying because of me (not my brothers, just me) I’d be a pretty wealth woman today. That is a lot of pressure for a young child – especially a shy and insecure child as is – to handle. So, all I knew growing up was this anxiety and stress (do not get me wrong, there were some good times, but they were totally overshadowed by this constant stress and anxiety). And that is all I know now. Now, I need to forgive my parents, and myself, and move forward. And start training my mind to think positively and manage all those “weeds” in my rose garden – I am not my mother. Nor is my husband my father. And we live in a relatively peaceful home – this is not the home of my childhood. And I need to keep training my mind; my thoughts and my emotions to think along those lines, until the anxiety of the past and the stress of my childhood no longer have any effect on me.
17 Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.
So then, banish anxiety from your heart and cast off the troubles of your body…